“Hmmm…I see you have your running shoes on Rainbow.”
That was my thought earlier today before climbing out of bed. It had been a minute (not too long) since I felt like I had a good reflective moment with the Lord. As of late, I’ve been grappling with this thing we call a job search. Funny thing is-it varies in format, duration, and hoops per industry. My current industry is Student Affairs and I have begun to realize that I run a marathon daily from myself and the conditioning required to become the person I desire.
So, you know this comes with a story. Always.
Recently, I have become sensitive to how many times I am corrected on the small things like speech, sayings, and other mannerisms. It’s during times like this that I want to run full force back to Corporate America. Keep in mind-inclusive practices reside there as well. But, I recently had some discussions with a colleague about words such as gip (could be linked to gypsies) or redneck (could be offensive in description). We also discussed absence of something (prayer or religious overtones) does not create inclusion (but there is responsibility to do no harm).
It’s during these moments in which I find myself struggling over sensitivity. Where are the days where people pulled it together and kept things in context? Perhaps I do not belong in this world. I have sat in countless meetings with that thought running wild. I also began to ponder about a job opportunity (s) that I am looking towards and fear snuck in. Perhaps, I’m not cut out for a world of idealism in which there is a problem with everything.
Then it hit me. Take your hand off the escape button and put your running shoes down. See, I had already began planning my escape route without much thought. Things are becoming hard to navigate and I wanted no parts anymore. Reality quickly took root. This is what it looks like when God prunes away your impurities.
During your in between stages-there is a constant pruning away of the person you once were. As I continue my job search, I realize my current professional direction pushes me further and further away from my roots or past. I cannot think the same and embrace inclusion. I cannot look back without tripping in the present. I have to let my old self die so that the new self can journey safely towards whatever destiny that awaits. It’s only when discomfort raises its head that a flight schedule appears in 2.2 seconds.
But I need this discomfort. It signals that I’m on the right path and there’s exposure waiting for me. Exposure to new things and access to deep seeded impurities that need to be removed. It doesn’t happen with ease or in the good times. This phenomenon occurs when your patience runs short and when insecurity perpetrates as your new best friend.
So, as I take a seat…I take a bow to fear-not in support but acknowledgement. I almost took a wrong turn today. Fortunately, my inner spirit spoke and those running shoes are back on the floor.